God's blessings to each of you. May you encounter Him as you faithfully live out His call to you.
Yesterday it took me 2 hours to mow the yard. I am still having some nausea but thought I wanted to try and keep myself busy. It felt good to be outside and in the fresh air. I have a mole in the back yard so need to move some dirt this weekend.
Today, I was sick when I got up but am doing better now. Treatment went fine. I did see doctor Tuesday and they ordered a UA culture which was fine. If I am not feeling better tomorrow I will see doctor again. I really think it is psychological. I am still dreading walking through the door everyday. I pray for God's peace and that is the only way I can make myself go in there. I am shocked and disappointed in myself for not being able to pull it all together. Chemo was so hard and I made it. I can do this too.
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Colette, I read your comment about being shocked and disappointed in yourself. If I were at your house, I would hold your shoulders in my hands, look you straight in the eye and say,"Girl, you're human, not divine. What do you mean that you're shocked? You're human! Give yourself a break! You are going through a very tough experience and you feel what you feel. It's not right or wrong. It is what it is. You feel what you feel. Stop judging yourself, okay?" There is no right way to travel this road. You just keep traveling and when you encounter a detour or a bump, you deal with it at the time. I admire your wanting to be someone who can go the distance with no fear, no anxiety, no defeat at times, but please let yourself off the hook. I'm taking you off that hook as I write!
ReplyDeleteI'm with you in spirit and think of you and pray for you often. Just keep going and embrace the moment, okay?
Love you,
Barb